When I think back to the moment God knocked on my life’s door, twelve years ago, I was completely immersed in earthly ambitions. I did not know how to pray, I did not seek silence. I believed only in my own strength, in my intelligence, in that very human ability to build my own future.
Then came failure. Right at the end of high school, when I thought I had everything under control, God intervened with a grace that at first seemed like a collapse. The shame, the pain of failing for the first time, made me crumble, but it was precisely in that fracture that I discovered humility. In that emptiness, I recognized that He truly exists, that my self-sufficiency was only a fragile illusion.
The call did not come like a flash of lightning, but like a hand gently guiding me, day after day. I felt profoundly unworthy of so much grace, so much mercy poured out upon me. Moreover, precisely this disproportion between my smallness and the immensity of God’s love ignited in me an intense desire: to share this discovery, to tell the world that God is infinitely merciful toward everyone, with everyone, without exception.
I remembered a missionary sister who, sometime before, had asked me about my future life. I went to her and began to glimpse what it meant to be a missionary. As I journeyed in this direction, I wondered if it was precisely through mission that I could bear witness to God’s mercy. Little by little, through the people the Lord placed beside me, through the experiences that shaped my heart, I became convinced: yes, as a missionary, I can go to the ends of the earth to proclaim that God is love.
The journey, I must honestly say, has not been a path of roses. The greatest challenge has been the one I faced within myself: knowing myself deeply in order to live authentically with others. I had to accept and love even those parts of myself that made me suffer, those shadowy areas we would prefer to hide. There have been moments of vocational crisis, moments when I questioned whether this was truly my path. Nevertheless, God, who knows our deepest desires, has always given me the grace to move forward.
The common formation with sisters of different cultures was a challenging yet enriching experience. At first, I was divided: on the one hand, the joy of being chosen for the international novitiate; on the other, the fear of leaving my culture, the people I knew, and the worry of the lengthening formation period. However, the Lord’s grace was not lacking. I learned to embrace diversity, to look at new things with open and free eyes. It was not immediate: it required trust, perseverance, and above all, the desire to love in any situation. In the end, living together was wonderful. It enriched me immensely and taught me the importance of having a big and free heart.
On the day of my consecration, two words deeply affected me. First, the celebrant’s homily: put Jesus at the centre, because everything becomes a hundred times more beautiful when you look at it through his eyes. Then, the moment of handing over the cross, when I heard the words echo: “Receive this cross on which hangs He who must henceforth be your model and the sole object of your love.” Carrying Christ in your heart to witness his love to those who do not yet know him: this is the heart of the missionary vocation.
Today, being a missionary means, primarily, living love in community. As Jesus says: “As I have loved you, you also should love one another.” As Blessed Clemente Vismara said: “Life is beautiful if it is given with joy.” Moreover, this joy, the love that the Lord gives me every day, I try to share wherever I am.
To young people who are questioning their vocation, I want to say just this: do not be afraid to answer the call. It is truly beautiful to give yourself completely to Him. Remain open to the signs the Lord reveals, because He has already prepared a unique path for each of you. With Mary, I say, “Here I am.” And with Mother Dones: “If God wants, it will be done,” always keeping our gaze fixed on Jesus, Apostle of the Father, Sower and Seed.
Sr. Bernadette Kamei, Siliguri
